The Fear of dying asleep

Hello, the past few days I have got my ups and down with my diabetes, Although the Doctor has increased my dose it seem to be getting worse and I am confronted with the fear in the night during my hypos. So here I would like to share the journey of the past 19 years with you!

Many years has passed  since I was diagnosed with my diabetes on 04 June 1999. It was a very difficult time for me to deal with it in Burundi. First I stayed for ten days in hospital on intensive insuline. I had to learn how to inject myself with insuline. Back then there was no rapid finger self test, I had to go to hospital every 2 weeks to give blood for a check up. It was a terrible moment, because everytime I travel from Bujumbura City after my visit to the specialist I  needed to take home the insuline to Gihanga(20km), on ice to keep it cool! Can you Imagine in 35 degrees  what could happen to my insuline? Sometimes it was already almost cooking in warm water, no ice anymore. I would then get off my bus and Immediately take my insuline to a bar where they had a fridge and they would put my insuline between cold beers and soft drinks. I am still greatful for their help! In the evening I would go to the bar and inject myself. People would make a joke about me saying "This girl got a disease for rich people " or " You are suppose to be very old to have diabetes". I would then walk away with tears, but no answer to give them. Because from my culture old people always have their say, you cannot disagree with them!

I had a very strict diet, I had very limited choice when it comes to the food we eat in my village. Rice, ugali, beans, casava,  green banana, all those I was not allowed to eat them. I often went in Hypo because of Insuline on an empty stomach. At some stage I did learn how to cope  and things went beter.

But I am growing older and it seems like it is getting worst. I try not to go in Hypo but it keeps on surprising me! Last week my doctor increased the dose from 850 mg of Metformine to 1000 mg twice a day. The sugar went higher during daytime, 18,5, and then drop in the evening to 3.2. It happened often that I went to sleep with fear that I may not wake up next morning. Am I supposed to be afraid of dying? Well, I want to have a chance to say goodbye to my beloved ones when I am 100 years old!

I am keeping my positive spirit and live a healthy life, definitely I am not letting Diabetes ruin my happines, I have a very exciting life ahead of me because my God has better plans for me!

Peace,
Eliane

The Power of Peer Education!

Open about my HIV status was not a bad idea at all! Although many people still find difficult to talk about their status to their close family and close friends. I understand it very well because stigma around HIV and AIDS  is putting everyone onder pressure. Let me tell you how helpful it can be when you are open. You become the voice of the Voiceless. When you share your story of living with HIV with someone who just diagnosed, you change his or her life!
I don't regret to be public open about my status on social media because  I help many people by counseling them online. People come and ask questions, we support each others and I make them feel they are not alone in this fight!

I am excited to share the beautiful story of a woman I supported the past 2 years. I got into contact with her as a buddy via facebook messenger. Why because she went to Psychologist to get help and he did not manage to help her. She wanted to kill herself.He had a Hello Gorgeous magazine where my story was written and my beautiful cover picture. He said go and look for this woman on social media and she may help you. Why did he send her to me? He knew if I would meet her that her life may change.

So when the Buddy of that woman contacted me she explained the situation and I felt I needed to offer her my support. We met at a train station for the first time and we talked about 2 hours. The very first thing she said is that she wanted to die, this disease is terrible and she cannot live any longer. I listened to her whole story very patiently, then I asked if she has medication. She was already on treatment. She wanted to have  a baby so then she can not feel alone.

When I told my HIV story from beginning and ending with telling her that I have 2 beautiful sons with no HIV, I saw her face changing, she started smiling. The Idea of killing herself started disappearing. She asked many more questions relating to have baby.

Her biggest problem was that she did not yet tell her boyfriend about her status. We discussed for her to take time and be honest with him about having a baby with him. I explain U=U. If she is undetectable she cannot pass it on to her boyfriend. The best option is to let her boyfriend do a HIV test before they have sex without condom. I said If you tell him after you are pregnant he will surely do a HIV test.If you have bad luck he alreay has got it somewhere in the past and he will blame you that it was you that infected him while we know you are on treatment more then 6 moths. You don't want to end your relationship like that. Be open to him and if he really love you he will do whatever it takes to be with you.

So she took my advice wisely and she told him. He stayed with her and she fell pregnant. They received a baby boy and the result came yesterday, the baby is HIV negative. We were celebrating this new chapter of their life. The father is very happy to see the mother and son healthy. Their dream has come true! For me it is my glorious month. I wanted them to be happy together and live their life at fullest!

What can I say, it's the power of peer education! Knowing that you are not alone out there! Make you understand that HIV is not the end of your World!
Peace ,
Eliane

What does the future hold for them?

I would like to share many personal stories .Some are inspiring, others are just informative stories.
Today this particular story is about what my sons are going through.It is not the first time this happen to them but today was extreme!

They are born from Netherlands Father and African mother(Burundi).They have beautiful hair and not difficult to manage. They have been going to their own hair dresser for more than 3 times now after a difficult search. They used to have one lady who always cut their hair. So this morning I called to make appointment and as they are in system was not difficult to make appointment.So I was asked if there is any hair dresser of my preference.I said the usual person,the same as last time.
They said they are sorry ,she is no longer working for them. They asked me if any other person can cut their hair and I said no problem. They got an appointment at 16h15.But till16h30 they were not helped yet. I stayed patient since I could see that they still busy with other customers. I did not mind the little delay.
At some stage my sons were helped .Then ,the moment one was done , the boss came to me and said" I would like to talk to you about something  you are not going to like !You see,your children have got black hair, and here we don't do black hair.You see, the hair dresser is taking a lot of time,1 hour while we are suppose to help other clients. So you are going to pay extra money because it cost us more time?" I was like what is happening here? Is not first time they come here and you arranged someone  else .Then I pointed to my son and asked her" Is that hair black hair?" Then I pointed to my head and said "Look closer, this is black hair" She responded like"Oh I know you have black hair ,I would never accept you to my salon."
She said that I can not pay normal tariff for children who are 9 years which is usually 20,50 euro. So she  asked me to pay
27,50 euro for Akira and for Rio 22,95euro. I refused to pay for Akira price, I end up paying both 22,95 two times.

My question is, should my boys be punished ,even be refused to be helped for having such beautiful hair? And should I even allow them to call it black hair?It is wrong to change the price on the spot while you have agreement from the beginning!
If my children from 9 and 11 years are experiencing this kind of behaviour from a hair saloon, how long will it take them before they start hating who they are ?And for them to decide to cut their beautiful hair ,just so it becomes"White hair"?

Is there anyone who can help me in giving a name to this kind of action done toward my boys? Is this really acceptable?

Qui vivra verra!
Peace ,
Eliane

Malaysia: Nando's brings back memories

We arrived on monday in Malaysia to our hotel Istana  around 19h30.
We first had a very nice, firendly welcomed in ViP lounge  before they showed our beautiful suite; A glas of champagne and canape. I felt again my special honeymoon!
Kuala Lumpur is a mega city full of skyhigh buildings and a lot of mega shoping malls. One of the most epic is the twin towers. I could not wait to see them at night since I saw them from a distance when we were driving from the airport to our hotel. I enjoyed the fountains and light show by the twin Towers.
I always look for something that can link me to Africa, and I have to say I have found a very interresting shoping mall which looks like the one in South Africa called Menlyn Park. The Berjaya Time Square is my favoriet shoping paradise, it has the same shape as Menlyn park. The exclusive thing in this shopping mall is the Indoor playground. It has a very impressive indoor rollercoaster! It is a beautiful place for a day out with kids!
We have done so much shoppings and have seen some interestings restaurents that cover all cultures but the most surprising to find in Kuala Lumpur was Nando's restaurent! When I saw it my heart started melting because it brought all my sweet memories back from South Africa. I could not pass it without enjoying my extra hot chicken lemon en spice rice plus corn on the cob. what a moment!
Back then in 2006 when I was living in South Africa I would go weekly to Nando's. I was so happy to find it after 12 years.
I have to say being here was fun but it is now time to return to our busy life in the Netherlands. Our flight is tonight and we hope to see you tomorrow morning!
Peace ,
Eliane

Phuket new experiences!

How relaxing has been staying in Phuket since Monday! In our hotel Burasari Spa had  an amazing room with private access to the swimmingpool. The first few days was just to relax, swim and walk and watch the Sunset on the Patong Beach. Enjoying cocktails while our feet are in  water at Burasari Pool Bar has been excellent ! Beside that we have been able to enjoy some others things ,which I have never done in my life and those things surprised me!
Well Saturday we decided to book for a tour so then we can discover more Phuket and the serounding. We went to visit some Islands.
The Phang Nga Island.

Our journey started at 5 am fetched by a car and dropped at Royal Pheket Marina  where the speed boat took us to  Island Koh Phing Kan and Koh Tapu (James Bond  Island) the most famous spot in the bay.
We first stop to  Panak  Island where we explore some intriguing caves. Island is full of hidden caves,lagoons and hongs.

Sea Canoeing.
This was an other surprise of the day to go Canoeing through the caves in Tam Lod Nai.It was a scenic canoe trip to see these geological wonders mixte of caves, hongs  and mangrove. Again I have never been In canoe same in caves !
From there we visited Panyee village ,the village originally a settlement by nomadic Malay fisherman 200 years ago.The people who live the small village are 2000 .

Treasure Island.
Few minutes from James Bond Island lays  fantastic hidden cave,only accessible by swimming through a narrow passage .I was not sure how diep the sea was but I jumped anyway cause I was looking forward to cool off ,and to go through that hidden cave although some travellers with us seemed to be surprised of my action.Most of them thought"African Lady "don't dare to swim!

We went to Mob Yao Yao across the Nord of Island to  local Thai restaurant for lunch .And in afternoon we finalise out trip to Tropical beach where we swim and enjoy the beautiful beach weather in water blue surrounded by palm trees.
It was amazing and surprising trip to me walking ,canoeing and swimming in cave at the same day.It never happen in my life.
Phuket you are amazing ,I am curious on our next trip to Malaysia on Monday and I hope to discover news things as well!
Peace,
Eliane.

Bangkok Bling Bling!

We have been staying the past few days in Bangkok in a place called Sukhumvit in a big  Hotel called ALoft, 32 levels high. We were on the 23rd floor, the highest I ever slept... I have to say that I was very impressed of the many high rise buildings in Bangkok, a megacity with 13 million people. They are always busy, in metro, taxis and tuk tuks running everywhere or standing still in traffic jams that can last the whole day. There are a lot of people selling foods on the street, something totally different from the Netherlands. Sunday we went to visit the biggest weekend market in the world with 13,000 marketstalls. I love walking on the market and taste some local food. It was a very nice afternoon out.
Bling bling Temples: Monday we took a boat and went to visit some temples, the Grand Palace and Wat Pho. There is such a big difference between temples in Angkor Wat and Bangkok. In Angkor Wat they were natural and I felt very connected to the temples in the forest. Entering the Grand Palace in this big city, it was a golden palace and all is bling bling.  The time we visit Wat Pho there was such a huge queue to enter the temple to visit the biggest Golden reclining Buddha of the World. This Budda you can not take a picture of the whole statue. It is 46 m long! Very shiny and beautiful to see. From there we moved to Khao San road where I got a very relaxing massage body treatment, After that it was cocktail time and dinner.
We finished our final day in two Big shopping malls which are connect to eachother. It was my shopping paradise. We packed our bag because in a few hours we continue our holidays in Phuket, another place in Thailand.
I am very excited to learn more culture and discover news things.
Peace ,
Eliane.

Amazing Siem Reap!

Siem Reap, an amazing place to be! People are very calm and respectful.The moment we arrived at Siem Reap Airport I felt very welcome in the place. We have been visiting many tempels past last four days and I have learnt something which I am about to share here.
You probably asked yourself why did I choose this pictures among a hundred of Siem Reap fotos taken.
In history of Buddhism as explained by our guide, Arad, during the visit at Temple of Ta Prohm where nature has taken all temple. Trees has grown above the temple, some capture the statue of Apsara.  I love the story of APSARA. According to  the Buddhisme Apsara was a women  who lived in Heaven as Angel. People in Heaven were receiving holy water and one day the Devil took the holy water and give it to evil people. Apsara change in other face and went to seduce Devil in order to get the holy water. The moment she receive the water she gave it immediately to her good people. Devil became angry and start fighting her with all God people from heaven.
It was great to hear the story and and after to discover her captured by the growing tree for so many years. I am grateful to Siem Reap government to preserve such amazing place so then the world can review the past.
We are continuing our journey to Bangkok where we count to have more fun and discover more nice things in this World.
Peace ,
Eliane.

Cambodia here we come!

I am very excited to share with you the journey; me and my husband are about to travel to Asia and seeing three countries, Cambodia, Thailand and Malaysia.
The dream began in November 2010 when my husband travelled to Cambodia - Siem Reap - for his work. he saw many nice places and took some beautiful pictures. When he showed them to me he said "Eliane we have to go together to cambodia I really want to show you around in Siem Reap, see the amazing Temples of Angkor Wat". I said who knows one day we will go let's save some money for it.
The idea of travelling was born from that moment. This year 04 January 2018 was our 15th marriage anniversay. We realized we have not travelled very far away, us 2 without kids. We decide to make our dream come true and combine the trip for three countries, Cambodia, Thailand and Malaysia. We call it "The Asia Honeymoon"
It's finally going to happen! We are leaving Sunday 22 April and will be back 11 May.
I would like to thank my parents in law as they will help us in taking care of our kids during our holiday.
I can't wait to be there !
Peace ,
Eliane.

Our Family project - New York

Hi.
Today I would like to share with you the way we educate our kids.
Children are very simple to handle when you communicate with them very clear. I am very proud of the situation till this point.
I am still enjoying things I have learned from my parents and I think it is best to teach kids when they are still young so they remember when they grow up.

I choose first to tackle the topic of seeing the value of things and saving money for it. Many parents they will just give anything asked to their kids without letting them know that money is not falling from a tree, and that you need to work to save for it to before you can do nice things. this mean making sure they help you with small jobs in the home, like watering garden, cleaning their bike, cleaning out the dishwashing machine or helping to cover the diner table and clean up after. We have done it for past 2 years and the boys are very happy.

New York Trip: One day we were talking about the places we need to discover when we go on summer holidays. We have been in Turkey, Portugal, Germany,  Belgium, Spain but not yet in United States of America. We all pick the same country United States of America. We made it a Project plan and target to go during the year that Rio will be going to the second year of high school and Akira is finishing Primairy school. We WILL go on that trip and meanwhile we all contribute by doing small jobs and saving money for it. We are very excited to make this trip happen and the boys start counting the money which goes into our saving account and look forward to the days that come! Today was a very beautiful day to work on our family project.They cleaned the backfiets outside of our garden after having a brunch together!

I am very proud to share this family project. It's very nice to stimulate our kids to learn doing things while they are helping out for something great! And in the end they will feel they really made our dream come true together!
Peace ,
Eliane

The voices of Batwa Women and Girls.

It's International Women Day,  the whole World is talking about the celebration of women, equal rights , health & reproductive rights, gender rights, etc. It all sound well done, but in many places like where I come from, Burundi and Africa Great Lakes, we have a long way to go when come to Women equals rights.
Today I choose to this special day for Women to dedicate it to Batwa Women and girls from Burundi.
Who are Batwa Women and girls?
They are women like me, who happen to come from an other ethnic group, the Batwa(Pgymees) Indigenous which are heavily marginalised. Many of those women suffer from decades of multiple forms of disadvantage and discrimination.
Today I want you to know what Batwa women and girls are going through everyday in country where Law favorize only men.
I want the World to know that Batwa women and girls are discriminated against for being Batwa and experience gender discrimination as majority of women do. Can you imagine the trauma they go through everyday by being everyday sexually abused  simple because of this particular Myth of having Sex with Batwa Women and girls cure a backache and HIV and AIDS .This lead to Batwa women and girls being raped by men from others communities and even from Batwa Men. I remember asking the question  about how to treat HIV during my visit to Batwa communities while I was giving education on HIV and AIDS. Some men reponded that "Our Mutwa women are the cure". That moment i knew they needed to hear my story and see my medication. That is a small part of a country I have managed to reach.
We have so many organizations working for Humans rights, Gender Equality and Women rights if I am not mistaken. Are they aware of this situation?  While celebrating International Women Day I would like to invite  every women to take a minute and sympatize with our indigenous Batwa women and girls from Burundi, Congo, Rwanda, Uganda and Tanzania.

Happy women's Day!

Peace ,

Eliane

Valentine's Day

I have to share my thought about this particular date of year 14th February where almost the whole world celebrate "Valentine" als a day of Love.
Love should not have one day of the year to be celebrated like Christmas Day or other important days in Year.
Love should be celebrated everyday and with our beloved ones and friends.
I am telling you yesterday 14 February I did not see it as a V-Day but a day I celebrate the Birthday of a man I love.

How did it go?
Our children needed first to go to school in morning.Afternoon around 15h it was our moment of celebration
We surprised him with beautiful presents and we went for walk around undiscovered parts of our Amersfoort. We discover together a New Bar restaurent Hoog Vuur where in summer we going to discover it's beauty when its warm.
Then we walk along the water direction Eemplein. My family had no idea where we were heading till the moment we entered La Cubanita Amersfoort. It was a great surprise for all and I enjoyed reading the smile in their faces.
While we had a big table of 5 people I realized it's really valentine's day for so many people. Every table around us had 2 people. Then I asked myself why should we celebrate once a year the Love?Meanwhile I enjoyed being surrounded by my children amd husband.Those are the most loved people in my life.
Celebrating my husband's birthday on 14th February I call it a double blessing day!
Happy V-birthday my love !
Peace Eliane

Talents and Motivation

Hello again.
Last Saturday was the second event for Face of Winter Netherlands.It's a charity campaign designed to reach out to people  in need especially the homeless during the winter seasons.

We choose new Queen and the two Ambassadors who will continue the charity work at Face of Winter Netherlands.
I have been chosen last year as Migrant youth Ambassador in Nederland and HIV activist.
My role the whole year was to educate people on HIV and Aids,share my story with homeless people and motivate them for HIV testing  so then they can know their status .Prevention =treatement
As I always like to find out in such event how many people actually has knoledge of HIV or has any update .The number is always surprising.
Well HIV can go together with beauty,talents and this has proven already after my African dance performence that no where to read my status unless I tell you myself. Which is why people were pretty amazed to hear my HIV story after they have seen how much energy I have used during my performence.This was my great opportunity to explain the use of #UequalsU#.These people needed to hear the great News of People living with HIV. I said "People I came to tell you that I am a lucky girl. I know my status and I have been on treatment last past 15 years.I am undetectable and Untransmittable. Which means I can not give my HIV to anyone of you." My advice is that everyone should make it a priority to do HIV testing.Find out your status and get treated on time. U=U is scientifiquely proeven. Before stimatizing someone think twice if you really know that much about your own health.
After my speach ,many people appreciate my informations and some came direct to ask few questions .I realized there is so much to be done.The U=U is not only good message for us People living with HIV is also important to everyone if we want to reduce the stigma.It takes a fear away.
I am proud I could make a different during my one year as Ambassador and I will continue to provide education to any one in need.In Netherlands and In other part of World.

The Face of Winter Netherlands  rewarded  me the Certificate of appreciation for the amazing work I have done last 2017.

Let's keep spreading the word .No more shame,no more taboe.

Eliane 

Happy New Year ,Happy New Me!

We are at the end of the year and I can't stop thinking about all the changes I faced this last year.
I have been able to make some of my deams come true. Like travelling to Burundi helping Batwa for HIV education. It went well and I thank many of you for your help. I had other challenges regarding my health where I almost got blind by the silly Diabetes . For quite a while my sight was getting worst. I was not confidence to bike in evening, I got blinded by the night lights. I was glad here in the Netherlands they had a solution to my problem. I had an operation to both of my eyes; the first in November, 3 days before reaching my 41st birthday, and another in December, after christmas. I am delighted to share with you that my eyes are now in Good shape. I can see 150 % and 120% to the newely operated eye.
This New year is going to be more positive and beautiful year. I am thankful to be around my lovely family. I dream of a Wold  full of peace and love where I can continue doing my Cultural activicties and my Hiv activisme, especially in Africa and in other places of the World.

Happy New year, Happy new Me!

I wish all of you and your family a Happy New year 2018!

Dear Santa

It's Christmas seasons ,many people are expecting Santa Clause to come and share presents for good and bad people.As Mutwa child(Pygmee child) I have been all year good! Should I expect any present from Santa?

Dear Santa I have a question. Do you know how Batwa children celebrate  Christmas?We have heard about you everytime during Christmas seasons.Did you ever see where I live? My parents wish to give me Chrismas present but they can not afford  it. Living in house with no roof our wishes are "Could you give us a beautiful home as Christmas present?" I kind of miss sleeping in dry house. Here I count all nights during the rainy season. Many Batwa children in my village sleep in house like this and We barely have toys to play with . But our concerns is living healthy ,go to school and plan our beter future.
How  do we do that when some of Us never get a chance to have all school materials? We know you love children, right Santa? Do you love Us too? We are Batwa children and deserve your love!
Please come to Us this Christmas seasons .If you are too busy send some Angels to reach our villages in Burundi.
I trust you Santa , I have seen you in my dream. I am hoping to see you in real life.
Thank you again,
The Voice of Mutwa Child.
Peace,
Eliane

Embrace!

I have been thinking the easy way to share some of the important guidance to people who have just been diagnosed with HIV. I did not have a chance a few years ago when I was diagnosed, there was no internet where people could read information.It was doctor words against my words.I did not get any advice So here I can help after my 15 years of living with HIV.

The first thing to do after you find out your HIV status is to search for informations instead of start counting the days left for you to die with negative thoughts.
Embrace your HIV status .You are lucky to find out because with right medications you will live a long, healthy life like anyone else.
Don't fight it, it won't help you it will only put you down.

Be Positive and don't change who you are .HIV is just a chronic disease.It is manageble for people who aware of their status.
It is not the end of the World and please don't think anyone can smell that you are HIV positive .It is also not written into your face .
Take it easy and you don't have to be open about it only when you feel you are READY.
So please make peace within yourself and get ready because once you are out of the closet ,there is no turning back. STIGMA out there will be waiting for your response.You need a strong positive mind  to fight back against any Stigma and discrimination around HIV and AIDS.
Be sure you are ready for this!

Yes your Freedom is your Right but not always this is the case.Sometimes we need to take it slow and see how far we get!
Be positive Be you!
Peace !
Eliane